


the quiet things that no one ever knows

by majesdane



Category: Degrassi RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-14
Updated: 2008-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-08 01:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/437835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesdane/pseuds/majesdane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Alex is upset. Deanna is upset. Paige and Lauren ignore them both.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	the quiet things that no one ever knows

**i. start**

There's smoke curling up from the end of Lauren's cigarette.

Deanna stands nearby, watching her, taking in the way Lauren tips her head back casually, eyes closed, leaning against the cool brick wall, blowing the smoke out of her mouth into the warm spring air.

Deanna notices the gentle curve of her neck.

Lauren's hair is golden in the sunlight, although Deanna knows that's not it's natural color. Lauren takes another drag of her cigarette then lets her arm fall lazily down again, tapping the cigarette once, twice, with her index finger.

A mix of tiny embers and ash falls to the pavement.

Deanna doesn't say a word.

 

**ii. fall**

Paige takes Alex's hand in her own, giggling.

They're both high, but Alex inside of Deanna thinks that this must mean _something_ , this little rush of warmth that races through her when Lauren - no, Paige - slides her fingers in between her own and squeezes her hand gently.

Alex is upset. Deanna is upset.

Paige and Lauren ignore them both.

In the shower at home she remembers the way Lauren's hand felt like silk, smooth and soft, just as she'd imagined. She remembers tasting Lauren's strawberry lipgloss on the end of the blunt, from where she'd taken a drag. The taste was sweet and unexpected.

She slides her hand between her thighs.

She's not sure why.

 

**iii. catch**

When she talks to Lauren, she can't focus.

She tastes strawberries on her tongue and she fumbles her words, blushing. Lauren kissing her, that's all she can think about, even though it was Alex kissing Paige and then Paige kissing her back, and not anything like she remembers at all.

Alex remembers the kiss perfectly though, how Paige pulled away far too soon, how her heart plummeted when Paige rejected her so neatly, wanting to pretend like nothing ever happened.

At least Alex has Paige now.

Deanna is jealous.

At night, she can't sleep. The memory of that day - or night, technically, on both counts - plagues her. When her hand clutches at the sheets desperately, she tells herself that it's Alex's.

But she bites her lip to stifle the moans, and the coppery taste in her mouth tells the truth.

 

**iv. stop**

She takes Lauren's hand in hers. This is the last time she can.

Alex tries to make light of the situation, though her attempt falls flat. She tries to smile and she can barely do that. She can't cry - it's not scripted - though she wants to. She's not sure if Lauren wants to cry; Lauren's always too hard to read. She's too distant; Deanna is not part of her world.

Alex is an outsider. Deanna is an outsider.

She'd like to see Lauren cry though, even if it would only make her feel worse.

Lauren doesn't cry, because Lauren is not Paige. This is not real - none of it is. It's all just cameras and blocking and scripted lines.

But Deanna can feel tears in her own eyes. And the sting is very real.


End file.
